THE END
by Xiper
Summary: This time I want Lauren Reed to speak and give her point of view about her story almost as we've seen on Alias


Author: bristowsyd

Genre: dramatic POV

PG

Spoilers: none

Summary: I've chosen a different character from 'Alias'! Given the last JJ Abram's declarations about the non-returning of Lauren, I've chose this POV to give her a finale for her story in the plot. But it's more an inner emotional POV.

Hope you enjoy it and please, give me some feedback to improve the language (odd expressions and things like that...I´m sure there are a lot!)

**THE END**

All was finished. I'd always thought that nothing could fail, that I'd never be discovered, and, actually, if it hadn't been because I let my emotions control myself, so it would have been. But the very moment I felt myself impotent to control my feelings, everything began to fall down...

At first, it was easy. It was another uncover mission... Maybe the most important one in my curriculum, but another mission at the end... And it didn't seen an specially difficult one, nor an specially risky one. What would my naive father have said if he had known what I devoted my time to? I was young and, leaving appart false modesties, attractive... Attractive and prepared enough to seduce and keep by my side a CIA agent, depressed and destroyed, who was lost in the world after losing the woman he loved. I still remember my reactions when I was assigned that mission and I opened for the first time agent Michael Vaughn's dossier. I didn't expect such a lucky command, but that time I also realized that the mission was going to be a pleasure for my senses. That photograph from his file, despite being one of those boring burocratic photographs, left me shocked. Vaughn was a man one could not describe with words. It was really going to be a plasure to carry on the mission!

My task was simple. I had to get him rendered to me, sharing something more than occasional love encounters and being aware of every movement of his life, to update puntually my superiors. His couple, his great love Sydney Bristow, had disappeared without trace. He and all people around her were forced to believe, without any doubt, that she was dead. It was hard for them but they had to go on with their lives. But Michael couldn't do it, and that destroyed him to the point to make him leave the CIA. In that moment when Sydney escaped from our ties, the very moment when we were convinced that her programming had been a complete success, the CIA ex-agent's weakness was a point we had to care. And I was the chosen one to heal his permanent depression!

Getting near him, in the first moments of contact with his dark world of desperation for Bristow, was extremely difficult. But I was not to give up before an initial reaction which we already expected. Little by little, I was getting his trust. He began to tell me things, we began to date and he accepted more than well the fact that I was working for the NSA. We came to a moment where his main subject of conversation wasn't Sydney anymore. Not because he had forgotten her, not... He never managed to do it. But because he obligued himself to look forward and there was I to hold his hand and to help him to walk on. Or at least, so he believed! His world became 'our' world and one day I managed to break all his barriers and, getting profit that he was a bit drunk, I reached an intimation away from what cannons of friendship recommend between a man and a woman...

From that point, everything was ready. I had destroyed his psychological barrier which got him away from any femenine universe. Sydney Bristow became a painful shadow of the past and Michael decided to walk another step and give me a chance. The chance "The Covenant" needed to have control over any movement that Sydney could make. A year had almost passed since we kidnapped Sydney.

Pain accelerates things. The intrinsic need of human beings to feel over and safe from certain things which hurt oneself made the engagement announcement not to be so much delayed. Once married, everything became quiet and still. We made a good couple and nothing upset us from the other one. Even sometimes, it seemed to me that I was living a dream, in an island far from the clandestine inteligence world which sent me once and again to risky missions, not so long ago. Everyone tries to hold the beautiful part of their lives... I was not an exception.

And Vaughn recovered incredibly by my side: he started to work as college teacher, he stopped building and investigating dangerous theories about Syd's death and he gave me everything she hadn't time to enjoy. I couldn't deny that I felt wonderful with him... and time passing, to my uncomfortability, I had to admit that I felt something more than mere physical attraction to Michael. I began to fear the moment our peace would end... I wish thing could stay that way forever!

But that moment came... Just when I had assumed I was in love with my target, when I had decided let my emotions take the control... Sydney burst into our lives again. I was jealous of her, because I knew she was still deep in Michael's thoughts and I knew that, although he loved me sincerely, if she came back, from that very instant on, I lost my husband and risk would enter my double-agent life. But I also was aware that if 'The Covenant' managed to find her first, my happy life with Michael was also committed to an end and I would have to go to the shadows where I had come from.

The moment a surprised Sydney made her appearance everything went out of control. I had to fight two things: complications in my mission that made me in permanent alert as never before... and my feelings as woman in love. As I had feared, I lost Michael little by little. I saw him fighting his big moral sense for responsibility and against his huge love for Sydney, now forbidden. But I decided not to behave so much as a jealous woman, only the necessary to keep suspicions under standard rate. I looked for a magic phormulae, impossible to find, to come back to the times where Sydney Bristow was only a shadow of the past... Things became more and more complicated and I was bound to decide between my life and Michael's, praying that he came unharmed from a mission with Sydney in Corea. That mission was the beginning of the end. Soon I discovered that, though briefly and due to the critical circumstances, Michael had cheated me by kissing Sydney. It didn't surprise me, but it hurt me more than I thought possible. I really loved that man.

Mistakes happened one after another. During the training period, they try to assure that you are able to control your emotions till unbearable limits, that you're able to distinguish between mission and personal issues... Something failed, because I wasn't able to do so. I lost my self-control and I made mistake after mistake, until my double life was uncovered. But I'd have put up with everything, prison, punishment, whatever except catching Michael's looks when he discovered all the truth about me. But that look of scorn and disgust in his face, has chased me since then. I don't manage to sleep without seeing him once and again, hugging Sydney... It was always Sydney, when I tried to end with her, when I had no way out. I wanted, at least, that Sydney became really a ghost of the past, the last stroke to their perfect love. And I couldn't do it: Michael arrived on time. I was shot but, unfortunately, they got me recovered and sent to prison.

And during all these months I've tried, useless and painfully, to keep away from me his glance, his surprise and the repugnance his green eyes reflected, going through myself forever. I loved him and I think he knew it, but that feeling was never shared, not in the same measure.

And that's why today, from this isolation cell where I live from that moment, I decide to put this story to an end. My story is hidden as I was on a mission, far from here, maybe waiting to prevent suspecting from other infiltrations in the CIA. And fortunately for me, there's another one. I wish I had been condemned to death for high treason to USA.

Nobody in my family knows the truth around me. Any finale would have been better than this dying alive, pursued by Michael's eyes, by his last glance, and by Sydney's eyes who was unable to show hate even after all I had done to her. She only showed pity and sorrow for me.

I cannot keep trying to escape from something that is inside me and that corrodes and undermine me inside out. Thanks to the my superiors' and successor's efficiency, today's meal will be the last and it will bring me very far from this torture... to freedom!

_EXTRACT FROM THE TELEPRINTER SENT TO _

_THE JOURNAL "LOS ANGELES DAILY"_

... _As a consequence of a leak in the Navy Inteligence Services, an international operations cell infiltrated in Irak, in a zone near Bagdag, has suffered a lethal ambush. Authorized sources have confirmed that, though the total number of deaths is yet unknown, it's been possible to identify some of the corpses. Among them, two North-American agents who had been several weeks in operations aroung that area, James Duckworthy and Lauren Reed, from the Special Operations CIA Service in Irak... _


End file.
